Petty...

When something becomes part of your daily routine, it's weird not doing it, right? So let's say you talk to someone everyday, try to call at least once a day because you miss their voice, yada yada etc.
Then you get mad at them and you decide not to talk to them and when you get bored of trying to distract yourself, you can't stop thinking about them.
Yeah, I'm in this situation and yeah, my boyfriend made me mad. No, he doesn't know that I'm extremely upset right now and slowly getting more pissed as more time passes without him trying to text me.
If you're wondering, which you aren't, but if you are, he didn't text me all day yesterday. We called in the morning, he hung up without warning, didn't text me again. He did, however, text one of his friends who had to tell me that he wasn't texting back because he was busy. He was busy........playing video games. Okay yeah, sure, maybe you can't pause it but he had to of had a break at some point between the time since he hung up yesterday and 12:27 this afternoon when he finally texted saying "morning." That morning text was the first thing he'd said to me since hanging up yesterday. It is now 9 minutes to 7 pm and he hasn't tried to text me again since. He hasn't tried to communicate at all. I didn't text him after that morning text because I was pissed. I still am pissed. No, I'm not gonna try to talk to him until he actually tries to get my attention. Yes, I know I'm being a crazy and super petty girlfriend, but I'm 15 so let me be mad. What happened was still a dick move on his part and I wish he would've just said "I can't talk right now, I might be busy for a while" because then I would've been like okay.
I'm gonna be honest, it sucks. I don't wanna text him because if I do, I'm weak and way too attached. I want to know that he's thinking about me, that he'll start a conversation because right now I feel like he doesn't want to text me at all. I probably annoyed him too much, but even if I did, he could've told me. I don't like to bother people and I'm used to being called annoying so what would I care, but being basically ignored doesn't fucking feel good and I'm upset about it.

Wild Flamingo

I totally forgot to post my dyed hair, but no one actually cares so I'm gonna just say it's okay.

Popcorn Chicken

I kind of want more people to read my blog. I mean, I know it's boring, but I just think it'd be nice. I posted the link on a few of my social medias, only three of them though. I posted them on Wattpad, Poetizer, and Tumblr which are the ones that I know I don't have anyone I know on. Well, I'm not 100% sure about Wattpad, but I'm just gonna pretend I am.
I have some pretty crazy stories from my life that I think would be cool to tell if I wasn't so embarrassed and even then, I'm not sure how long this whole blog thing is gonna last. I have a hard time starting new habits. I just don't know, but I'm gonna try to keep it up because this nice. It's nicer than just opening up a new google doc every time I think of some random shit or whatever. I guess I just like the idea of people out there somewhere in the world reading this post and liking it, maybe even checking back once in a while to see new things I've posted. I tried starting a blog like this on an old Tumblr account I had, but it just didn't work out and it didn't feel that nice. Tumblr is nice for shit posting , venting, and maybe posting a poem or two, but I just don't feel like anyone is gonna read that shit. On here, I have this feeling that if I keep it up and if I try to get it out there a little, I might gain a constant reader.
I definitely consider myself a writer. I love writing with all of my heart, it's my passion. I'm gonna be honest with whoever is reading this.....I love writing more than my boyfriend. Yeah, I said it. Honestly though, I know that even if a pencil breaks or runs out of lead, writing is never gonna leave me. I'll always be able to write, even if I'm living on the street completely and utterly broke. I love my boyfriend, of course I love him. He's my second biggest love currently (he's actually tied with my dog because seriously, my dog is my baby). My boyfriend is here for me right now, but I don't know how long it's gonna last. I hope we last long, I would not mind even a minuscule bit if we actually grew up, dated for 10 years and then got married.
One day, I do wanna write an autobiography. I want to help people and I think maybe I could use my life as a learning experience and a way to help people. I think it'd help a lot if I kept a record of some of my days. It's helping me now too.

Well anyways, signing off for now.

Spring Break

Day 5 of Spring Break- I went to softball practice. That's about it.
Day 6- I didn't get out of bed until 6. I mean, actually, did not get out of bed until 6 pm. I played games with a couple of friends online until that time. I think this reaches a new point in my depression honestly.
Day 7 (Today)- Well, it is 11:31 am, so honestly, I can't give too much of an update. So far, the morning has been good. I mean, I failed at making eggs but I made tea and I loaded the dishwasher and tomorrow I am going to see my boyfriend. I also put my hair up in a kind of actually good bun, so I mean, I've achieved something. My hair is still a little too short right now, so every time I put my hair up, there's a little bit that just stays down and makes it look shitty.
(EDIT, It's two days later) Day 8- Saw my boyfriend and then started the hair dying process when I got home, which I have been waiting so fucking long for. Although we haven't colored it cause we used three boxes of bleach since I have too much freaking hair.
Day 9 (Today Today, the real Today) - Emergency softball practice in a couple hours and then gonna color my hair. I'll post a picture when it's done.
So yeah, that's how Spring Break has been for me. Yeah, my posts are mundane, but I don't have much to write about, especially while there's no school. God, the fucking drama is gonna kill me before I graduate and I don't even have friends, so why the fuck do I have so much gossip surrounding me?

I downloaded a new game off steam. It's called booty calls. It is exactly as dirty as it sounds. I've watched my boyfriend play it, which, yeah, sounds weird. I like it. I'm a little too gay to be dating a guy but I love him with all my heart. Teenage love...It's so pure and raw and so, just, full. It's crazy, though, everybody knows that.

I only know of one person who has read my blog, but that's because I just sent them the link for it. I don't know who would actually want to read this stuff, though.
You'd think the person I sent the link to would be a close friend considering this is kind of a personal blog, but nope, they're a stranger. I don't think I would want people I'm close to to read my shit. It kinda seems weird. Is it rude to not let them when I'll let people I don't even know read it? I guess it's hard for me. Not much in my life is private and my boyfriend doesn't exactly help with that (one of the only three flaws about him). It's nice sometimes to just, have something to myself.

Maybe I just overthink way too much.

Signing off for now.

10:36 pm

It's days past the start of Spring Break and I guess it's been good so far.
Day 1- Went to Splash with my boyfriend and one of our mutual friends who's the one who invited us. I don't know how to swim so I almost drowned, but honestly that's okay. I found out my boyfriend is terrified of drowning, so that's something I should keep note of.
Day 2- I started watching Blue Exorcist because my boyfriend said I'd like it. I do like it, I think it's very good, although when I started the second season I was confused at first but I understand the timeline now. Also my mom came home from her trip to the coast with her secret boyfriend. Overall, I guess it was just very mundane cause I laid in bed all day.
Day 3- Tried to clean, meant to get things done. Really I just relaxed and ended up doing nothing. This was a mundane day too but I liked it more than the day before.
Day 4 (Today)- I cried a lot because my boyfriend and I got into a fight. It didn't last long though, we talked through it. I'm glad that we can communicate the way we do. Sometimes he doesn't tell me things and I feel like he doesn't trust me but I know he does and I don't want to push him. There's thing we both don't know about each other even though sometimes we forget that because we're teenagers and we think we tell each other everything, but I know we don't. He's always able to be so logical to me and honestly, it helps a lot. His ability to provide sense when I feel so sad and scrambled and fucked up, it's nice. Oh gee, I'm rambling.

My friend says she can see through my eyes that I'm a good writer. When I told this to me boyfriend he said he saw something else and then the conversation got super deep. My boyfriend said that he can see a dark and haunting past that I wish to run away from but he can also see bits of sparkles and happiness. I don't know how to really feel about this, but maybe I'll think on it. People say eyes are windows to the soul but I've never really looked in my eyes that much before, or ever. I don't like making eye contact with people either. I think the most beautiful thing is a person's laughter. Well, that's the most beautiful sound to me, but a person themselves....hm I guess i don't actually know. Beauty is in the eye pf the beholder, but I don't know. I don't know a lot of things, I mean, I am only in high school after all.

I guess I will have to think on it, but I'm gonna be honest, I probably won't.

Signing off for now.

Sick....As Always-Come Read My Bullshit

So tomorrow I go back to school. I honestly don't know if I'm relieved or upset about it, though. I mean, being cooped up in my house for three days is starting to drive me crazy, but being alone at home is much more appealing than seeing the people at school. Of course, at least I've had extra time for some of the projects I've been procrastinating. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be wishing the doctor told me to stay home all week, cause every time I walk through the school doors, everything is just drained from me. My mom says it's just a normal teenager thing, which, I'm sure is correct. I'm just, not a normal teenager. I mean, I like school, but I don't like walking into a place where I not only have no friends, but everyone is insulting, glaring at, or just plain ignoring me. I don't know if anyone else really uses Wattpad anymore, but there's a book on there called "The Good Girl's Bad Guys" and the main character is the same way, except her bullying is a lot worse....and also she isn't a depressed freak like me. I wish I was the main character in that story. Who wouldn't want to suddenly have three really hot, funny, sweet teen gang members become friends with you and then be stuck in a reverse harem where they're all secretly fighting for your love? Team Bennett all the way guys and not because he's rich. I actually think I have this thing for the 'strong and silent' type. I always choose the, like, cool, calm, and collected guys in these harem things. Usually the calm ones are always like really smart and when they get mad, they get mad. Now that I think about it, my boyfriend is kinda like that. I mean, he isn't super silent, but he is that kind of type actually. My boyfriend has a type too, though. His type is the small, short, and probably a murderer type. One little girl told me I look like his ex and that's what I told her, I said, "Well, then, obviously he has a type."
Okay well I have a project on Greek Gods to work on.

Signing off for now