Spring Break

Day 5 of Spring Break- I went to softball practice. That's about it.
Day 6- I didn't get out of bed until 6. I mean, actually, did not get out of bed until 6 pm. I played games with a couple of friends online until that time. I think this reaches a new point in my depression honestly.
Day 7 (Today)- Well, it is 11:31 am, so honestly, I can't give too much of an update. So far, the morning has been good. I mean, I failed at making eggs but I made tea and I loaded the dishwasher and tomorrow I am going to see my boyfriend. I also put my hair up in a kind of actually good bun, so I mean, I've achieved something. My hair is still a little too short right now, so every time I put my hair up, there's a little bit that just stays down and makes it look shitty.
(EDIT, It's two days later) Day 8- Saw my boyfriend and then started the hair dying process when I got home, which I have been waiting so fucking long for. Although we haven't colored it cause we used three boxes of bleach since I have too much freaking hair.
Day 9 (Today Today, the real Today) - Emergency softball practice in a couple hours and then gonna color my hair. I'll post a picture when it's done.
So yeah, that's how Spring Break has been for me. Yeah, my posts are mundane, but I don't have much to write about, especially while there's no school. God, the fucking drama is gonna kill me before I graduate and I don't even have friends, so why the fuck do I have so much gossip surrounding me?

I downloaded a new game off steam. It's called booty calls. It is exactly as dirty as it sounds. I've watched my boyfriend play it, which, yeah, sounds weird. I like it. I'm a little too gay to be dating a guy but I love him with all my heart. Teenage love...It's so pure and raw and so, just, full. It's crazy, though, everybody knows that.

I only know of one person who has read my blog, but that's because I just sent them the link for it. I don't know who would actually want to read this stuff, though.
You'd think the person I sent the link to would be a close friend considering this is kind of a personal blog, but nope, they're a stranger. I don't think I would want people I'm close to to read my shit. It kinda seems weird. Is it rude to not let them when I'll let people I don't even know read it? I guess it's hard for me. Not much in my life is private and my boyfriend doesn't exactly help with that (one of the only three flaws about him). It's nice sometimes to just, have something to myself.

Maybe I just overthink way too much.

Signing off for now.

10:36 pm

It's days past the start of Spring Break and I guess it's been good so far.
Day 1- Went to Splash with my boyfriend and one of our mutual friends who's the one who invited us. I don't know how to swim so I almost drowned, but honestly that's okay. I found out my boyfriend is terrified of drowning, so that's something I should keep note of.
Day 2- I started watching Blue Exorcist because my boyfriend said I'd like it. I do like it, I think it's very good, although when I started the second season I was confused at first but I understand the timeline now. Also my mom came home from her trip to the coast with her secret boyfriend. Overall, I guess it was just very mundane cause I laid in bed all day.
Day 3- Tried to clean, meant to get things done. Really I just relaxed and ended up doing nothing. This was a mundane day too but I liked it more than the day before.
Day 4 (Today)- I cried a lot because my boyfriend and I got into a fight. It didn't last long though, we talked through it. I'm glad that we can communicate the way we do. Sometimes he doesn't tell me things and I feel like he doesn't trust me but I know he does and I don't want to push him. There's thing we both don't know about each other even though sometimes we forget that because we're teenagers and we think we tell each other everything, but I know we don't. He's always able to be so logical to me and honestly, it helps a lot. His ability to provide sense when I feel so sad and scrambled and fucked up, it's nice. Oh gee, I'm rambling.

My friend says she can see through my eyes that I'm a good writer. When I told this to me boyfriend he said he saw something else and then the conversation got super deep. My boyfriend said that he can see a dark and haunting past that I wish to run away from but he can also see bits of sparkles and happiness. I don't know how to really feel about this, but maybe I'll think on it. People say eyes are windows to the soul but I've never really looked in my eyes that much before, or ever. I don't like making eye contact with people either. I think the most beautiful thing is a person's laughter. Well, that's the most beautiful sound to me, but a person themselves....hm I guess i don't actually know. Beauty is in the eye pf the beholder, but I don't know. I don't know a lot of things, I mean, I am only in high school after all.

I guess I will have to think on it, but I'm gonna be honest, I probably won't.

Signing off for now.

Sick....As Always-Come Read My Bullshit

So tomorrow I go back to school. I honestly don't know if I'm relieved or upset about it, though. I mean, being cooped up in my house for three days is starting to drive me crazy, but being alone at home is much more appealing than seeing the people at school. Of course, at least I've had extra time for some of the projects I've been procrastinating. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be wishing the doctor told me to stay home all week, cause every time I walk through the school doors, everything is just drained from me. My mom says it's just a normal teenager thing, which, I'm sure is correct. I'm just, not a normal teenager. I mean, I like school, but I don't like walking into a place where I not only have no friends, but everyone is insulting, glaring at, or just plain ignoring me. I don't know if anyone else really uses Wattpad anymore, but there's a book on there called "The Good Girl's Bad Guys" and the main character is the same way, except her bullying is a lot worse....and also she isn't a depressed freak like me. I wish I was the main character in that story. Who wouldn't want to suddenly have three really hot, funny, sweet teen gang members become friends with you and then be stuck in a reverse harem where they're all secretly fighting for your love? Team Bennett all the way guys and not because he's rich. I actually think I have this thing for the 'strong and silent' type. I always choose the, like, cool, calm, and collected guys in these harem things. Usually the calm ones are always like really smart and when they get mad, they get mad. Now that I think about it, my boyfriend is kinda like that. I mean, he isn't super silent, but he is that kind of type actually. My boyfriend has a type too, though. His type is the small, short, and probably a murderer type. One little girl told me I look like his ex and that's what I told her, I said, "Well, then, obviously he has a type."
Okay well I have a project on Greek Gods to work on.

Signing off for now